The Lightsaber is a Terrible Weapon

What could we use the lightsaber for in real-life warfare?

Maybe we could use them to heat up water real fast…, or opening locked doors and faults without explosives…, or I suppose it would be better than a baseball bat if someone broke into your house? Otherwise, what could you do with this thing?

That is assuming, of course, if these things were possible to make, which they’re not. It’s also assuming the heat radiating from it wouldn’t fry you alive, which it would. It’s also also assuming you never cut yourself when you’re swinging it around. It’s also also ALSO assuming you had Force powers to help you wield the thing, which you most certainly wouldn’t.

Which brings me to my next point: A lightsaber can only go from useless, to slightly useful, if you have special powers. In that case, why even have one? Look, I love Star Wars (pre-Disney), but this has never made sense to me. If you have the power of throwing objects with your mind, blocking projectiles with your mind, and seeing into the damn future … what good is a lightsaber? It looks cool to see people fight with them, don’t get me wrong, but I never understood why Jedi and Sith ever used them. Jedi and Sith battles would more practically look like psychic warfare than medieval warfare. Again, I know why they use lightsabers in the movies, but we all know they wouldn’t bother if these events really happened.

And don’t even get me started on the different types of lightsabers, like the staff. Mostly the staff. The king of impractical-but-cool weapons. There is no possible way someone could master using the saber staff, and even if they did, why didn’t they try mastering something more effective, easier to use, and less likely to kill themselves? It’s like mastering Mewtwo in Super Smash Bros (Melee). Like, dude, you could have been so much better with someone else!

(By the way, the image I used for the theme is from Kyberlight. I did a tiny bit of my own editing with it. They’re not paying me to say this, but seriously, check them out.

Published by Thinking Michael

Author, Thinker

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