Originally posted December 15, 2017
The Last Jedi is about the Rebel fleet moving slightly faster through space than the Imperial fleet. I’m not joking; that’s the plot. Sure, there’s a side story about Rey annoying Luke to train her, but that goes nowhere. The movie ends with a battle where neither side loses. How is this movie getting such positive reviews? Seriously, what was the point of this movie?
Serious moments are always cut short by a stupid joke or a gag. The ONLY exception was the scene when Snoke died. No scene is given enough time to have any feeling or emotional weight. Despite being 2-and-a-half hours, it’s hyper fast-paced. The music was done by the original master himself, but it was somehow the worst it has ever been in all of the movies so far. And the most shocking thing of all….. The special effects looked FUCKING AWFUL. Hasn’t the franchise always been known for having top-notch special effects, sometimes ahead of its own time period?
Disney, how the hell can you screw up this much?
We never learned a damn thing about Snoke’s back story before he died. We didn’t learn anything about whatever the “Knights of Ren” mentioned in The Force Awakens are. Captain Phasma was supposed to the feminist icon of the trilogy and yet she died with no back story, or insight into why she’s loyal to the Empire (…I mean “First Order”), or just simply what the hell she looks like under the helmet.
I suppose I should be thankful the movie didn’t completely suck. The Rebel ship plowing through the Empire’s main Star Destroyer was cool and well-done. I really liked the lesson Yoda taught Luke, and how it involved destroying ancient texts. And did I hear Poe Dameron say “ass” at some point…… in a Disney movie?
I want to go through this movie scene by scene, as soon as it gets released on Blu-Ray. I love Star Wars, and have my entire life, but this was easily just as horrendous as The Phantom Menace. I honestly can’t think of which one was worse. So, stay tuned audience in the coming months. I have a lot of rage to vent.
I’m done with these movies, at least until Disney loses the rights to the franchise. Translated: I am done with these movies for the rest of my life. These new ones don’t even feel like Star Wars movies. Even the prequels had at least some kind of Star Wars feel to them, and they had the balls to be different in story and structure to the originals. Disney has no idea what they’re doing. Why would they care, though? They are the real-life Empire, from their business practices to their products.
My rage comes from being a lifelong fan of Star Wars. If these stories are going to be continued, they need to be enriched and added upon. Nothing of value has been added. So, I’m no longer considering the Disney canon to be true canon. The Legends books are canon, and episodes 1-6 are canon. That’s it. I refuse to acknowledge the existence of The Force Awakens, or The Last Jedi, or any movie Disney makes after. Rogue One was mediocre enough for me to neither love or hate it, so I suppose that also makes it forgettable. The Empire can keep making these movies for the sake of money, but I refuse to watch any new ones until they are made by people who love Star Wars above money.